Dear Midlife Crisis, I Don't Want You No More, No More.

I'm not sure if anyone can relate to this I'm about to say, but have you ever feel like you have disconnected so much from social media, from people, even from society itself, that you find yourself having a real hard time reconnecting again? That's were I find myself right now, navigating unknown waters many times finding myself in a turbulence of emotions.

Realizations of a thing called midlife crisis that I think it got me, and it's having an impactful effect on me;-) Menopause decided also to show up at this time in full force and no, I was not ready! I was not ready at all. lol

Now I'm 50 having all the time in the world for myself once again, to focus on me and in doing the things I love, and that I really want to do but unable to do because mentally, I'm not yet at the right place I want to be. Maybe a midlife crisis is like a mirror ready to present itself right at that point in your life, when you thought you had everything figured out, or when hiding things for so long ends exploding in your face. For there are some things that no matter how much we try to hide or ignore, will always be there waiting for us to face them. The things we call "the elephant in the room."

We all have our elephants in the room, some chose to ignore them others to face them. My family decided to ignore my abuse, trauma & pain to this day, to the point of rather not having a relationship with me, than having to talk about it. That elephant became a powerful monster that has torn my family apart, for all of my existence. But it's only as I was reaching my 50th birthday that my very own elephant decided to make his presence very visible in my life once again. That very heavy and invisible elephant called depression, the one that I have pretty much suffered yet ignored for most of my life, while keeping myself busy surviving life, working and later on being a single mom. Always present since I was a child but just ignored, until you can no longer ignore it anymore.

And I no longer want to ignore it, what I need is to face it and finally overcome it. Because it is affected my life, and because I know it's the one thing that have always truly kept me away from showing up in fully and wholeheartedly in life. It has also made me isolate myself from the world, and is of course affecting my business as well for not been fully present. The same business that I deeply love and that keeps me sane and mentally focused on the beautiful positive things in life.

And so in the mist of navigating all these turbulence's in my own life, slowly but very consciously, I'm now turning this "midlife crisis into a New Life transformation." A transformation that's occurring behind the curtains of invisibility keeping me away from social life by not being present. And while all of this is happening in my own world, I'm observing a lot of things that are occurring external to me, but that are awakening up the passion and fire that I have been suppressing for quite some time now.

A fire that no longer wants to be extinguished, a voice that no longer want to be silenced, and so this is were I'm right now in a strange place in my life, an unknown territory. One I no longer want to walk in silence or alone. Many of you have reached out to me via my website or commenting on my videos here, asking me if I was ok and if I was going to come back to making videos again, and so here I'm sharing were I'm and no longer want to be, so here I'm pushing myself forward. Midlife crisis do really exist but I think a midlife crisis will end, the moment we decide we no longer want to feel in a certain way, and it's time to move on and show up in YOUR life.

Thank you for reading and for your support.

In Light, Love & Healing

Ana Satya